If you have heard of the name Jack Nicklaus then you’ll probably know something about golf. I play golf, well, more accurately I occasionally hit a small white ball with a big stick, and sometimes the ball goes in the right direction, and sometimes it doesn’t. The difference between Jack Nicklaus and myself is that he hits the ball more often, and it tends to go where he intends it to more often than me. Oh, and of course, he’s been voted Golfer of the Millennium, and I’m still waiting to hear.

When he’s not hitting birdies and eagles, Jack tends to also excel at designing golf courses, and he’s created quite a few. I just read somewhere that he has recently designed nine full courses for Polaris World. They’re all laid out nearby each other so that the lucky residents get to play through 162 holes. The article didn’t say how many sycamores there are on the course, but I’m pretty sure I’d fine most of them pretty quickly. Still, at least the lakes would be pretty to look at while wondering whether to risk diving in to find my ball. There is certainly something to be said for a lifestyle which involves living in luxurious Spanish properties, constantly bathed in sunshine, with enough golf to last a lifetime.

For some reason I always picture other people in these glorious scenarios. Like my well tanned and absurdly happy neighbours who seem to disappear off to exotic locations and come back with tans that make me look whiter than a sheet of paper. I hate my neighbours. They’re lovely people, but it’s people like them, not like me, who get to live that kind of paradise lifestyle. Having said which, I had never really given it serious thought, until I discovered that these overseas property arrangements weren’t just for the absurdly rich, the fragile ancients or both. In fact, because they’ve made such a big thing of the golf, it’s appealing more and more to people like me who enjoy a good game, or more frequently, a dismal one.

This country isn’t quite like Spain, where apparently it rains mainly on the plains. In this country it rains mainly on the land, and as a result playing golf is a bit like water polo. You dress up in smart, sometimes oddball outfits, but at least clean. Unlike the television broadcasts of world class golfers playing in endless sunshine wearing t-shirts and sporting tans and big grins, playing golf over here is more like wading through mud and searching for your ball that has sunk to the bottom of another puddle.

So that’s what made me think that moving to Spain sounds like a great idea. Imagine it – nine golf courses, endless sun, beautiful views, guaranteed good weather. Sounds like a dream. Maybe those neighbours of mine have got the right idea. But then there’s the hassle of moving over there and it all is so difficult, I wonder whether it’s worthwhile. But amazingly, I recently found out that many of these companies that deal with overseas property actually offer free trips over there to have a look and see what it would be like. They’ll even throw in a round of golf while you’re there. A free trip to Spain? A round of golf on a Jack Nicklaus course – it’s all sounding very tempting. I may even start to consider what I’d look like with a tan and a smile.

Do you know what your house is worth? I had mine valued recently, and paid little attention to it. Then I saw one of those television adverts for overseas property with golf courses and sun, and couldn’t believe that the cheapest houses there were half the cost of my home, and for the price my house is worth I could get a grand villa! Imagine that – a grand villa in Spain with all that sun, a private balcony overlooking the mountains on one side and the blue ocean on the other, and 162 holes just crying out for me to try to sink a small white ball into them. And even more bunkers starting to get excited at the prospect of more company.

It’s surprising how quickly images start to build in your mind of lazy summer days even in the winter, or rolling golf courses crying out for you to have another go today, blue rolling oceans and vast mountain ranges. It starts to make my suburban semi look a bit cold, bleak and small. Not to mention crowded. I almost feel as though the tan is starting to appear just by thinking about it. The houses themselves look very stylish, with a contemporary design coupled with traditional colours, materials and features. It’s a bit like living the fantasy without the inevitable bad bits you assume will haunt you. I wonder if I would miss the rain and grey skies?

I’m certainly very tempted to consider the idea of a free trip – after all, I have nothing to lose. I may even find that the more clement weather improves my golfing game. Perhaps I may even meet old Jack and challenge him to a round. The only thing that puts me off is the hassle, but then, it’s only once, and the satisfaction of having made it will be more than worth it. The adverts are certainly targeting this country a great deal, and it sounds as though they know what they’re doing. Like many people, I work from home which means that relocating means little more than moving all my gear. Except for my winter clothes; I won’t need them any more of course!

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